Jul
31
2009
2

Any hearing can be an expedited hearing

THIS is how you do an expedited hearing

I obtained two walk through settlements yesterday morning.  I’m feeling pretty good.

Oh, did I forget to mention one was in Santa Rosa and the other in Oakland?[1]

What has four eyes and smells like burning rubber?

Me

  1. Photo courtesy of brian.stein []
Jul
29
2009
1

Breaking News: M&M’s Effective In Treating Spinal Injuries

spine injury cure

Utilization Review Certified: 1 Fun Size Bag

A few weeks ago I posted about how swearing can reduce pain.[1] If you thought that was unbelievable, read on:

Researchers at University of Rochester Medical Center have apparently found that the dye in blue M&M’s can lessen the secondary effects of spinal injuries.[2] Those mice that received the injections of this blue dye recovered the ability to walk, and those without the injections did not.  The only side effect reported was, I kid you not, that the mice turned blue.

You can’t make this stuff up.  Anyhow, here’s the first ten jokes that occurred to me after reading that article:

  1. The blue M&M’s replaced the tan M&M’s in 1995 when it was discovered the tan ones caused spinal injuries.[3]
  2. Not to be outdone, Skittles researchers report their candies allow you to pee unicorns.
  3. The WCAB has now issued another en banc opinion that the office candy jar constitutes the rendering of first aid.
  4. *Disclaimer: This study was funded by The Great Pumpkin, the Easter Bunny, and the Mars Corporation.
  5. It has now been discovered that the members of the Blue Man Group are impervious to spinal injuries.
  6. …and that’s why the Smurfs have the lowest workers’ compensation premiums on the Cartoon Network.
  7. Researchers also found that it was the blue dye in Viagra, not sildenafil citrate, that helped with erectile dysfunction.
  8. The legislature has amended Labor Code 4604.5(d)(1) to allow a maximum of 24 ounces of M&M’s per industrial injury.
  9. “Your honor, under Braewood v. WCAB (Bolton), Defendants must authorize the blue M&M’s in order to treat the underlying industrial condition.”
  10. The Governor has added a new ballot measure that would replace the California MPN system with a new M&M based system.

I think the last one is my favorite.  :)

  1. Photo courtesy of Daneen_vol []
  2. Via Slashdot []
  3. You remember the tan ones, don’t you? []
Jul
24
2009
0

Website Update: WordPress 2.8.2!

Wordpress Upgrade

WordPress Upgrade

Since updating this website to WordPress v2.8 in the middle of June they’ve released two additional security updates.  Unfortunately, the latest update also required a little extra tinkering and work on my part.  I look on constant security fixes for this fantastic (free!) open source software as a small price to pay for increased security.

Again, the calculators should all be completely impervious to changes in the WordPress program itself.  However, its theoretically possible you might notice a little weirdness in how the website looks/acts.  If so, please drop me a line and let me know so I can take a look.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled rating…

Jul
24
2009
0

Medical Provider Network Website List

medical provider network maze

MPN's - a-maze-ing!

One has to wonder which would have given Kafka a bigger headache – MPN’s or voice mail message systems. [1] [2]  Finding a medical provider within an MPN is no walk in the park. [3]

I get frustrated when I need to find a medical provider within an MPN.  If I’m very lucky, I get lost in a maze of badly laid out pages or meaningless search screens.  If I’m not so lucky the MPN website has changed, moved, or no longer exists.

Anyhow, I wanted to extend a “thank you” to all the users of this website who help me maintain my Medical Provider Network website page.  It seems like just about every week some kind person sends me a new MPN website link or updated MPN password. [4]

  1. I think I dislike voice mail message systems more… []
  2. Photo courtesy of marcelgermain []
  3. Heck, I’m a defense attorney and I’m not crazy about Medical Provider Networks. []
  4. Once an insurance company sent me their updated MPN page! []
Jul
21
2009
0

Stupid Disclaimers or Stupid People?

Please don't sue us!

Please don't sue us!

This last weekend I stayed overnight at a hotel in Chico.  In the planters next to the parking lot they had placed these disclaimers/warning labels that read, “OXFORD SUITE HOTEL NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WATER SPOTTING DUE TO SPRINKLERS.”[1]

This brought to mind any number of responses:

  • “Oxford Suite Hotel not responsible for water”
  • “Oxfor Suite Hotel not responsible for H2O on your H2”
  • “Oxford Suite Hotel:  You failed physics in high school, didn’t you?”
  • “Oxford Suite Hotel:  Newton and Einstein – what bastards!”
  • “Oxford Suite Hotel:  Life’s tough.  Buy a helmet.”
  • “Oxford Suite Hotel not responsible for the administration of midnight beating for people who complain about water spotting due to sprinklers.  You brought that on yourself.”

I’m sure some idiot called their management to complain about how the sprinklers had left spots on their car.  When you think about it, Oxford Suite Hotel should be responsible for the installation, functioning, and maintenance of their own sprinklers, just as people who own vehicles should be responsible for the care and maintenance of their own vehicles.

There’s no making some people happy.  If they are going to complain about thier vehicle getting wet, while it’s outside, they’re going to complain about the lighting, the room, the service, the sheets, the ice being too cold, the A.C. being too loud, and the TV being too dry.

Here’s a decent business model: sprinklers automatically spray a customer’s car as soon as they pull up.  If they moan about spotting, send them on their way.  If they thank you for washing their car, offer them a complimentary breakfast with their stay.

In any case, I blame the huge evil sign industry that has purchased our elected officials.

  1. Sign, parking lot, shrubbery, and wood chips are the sole responsibility of Oxford Suite Hotel – no matter what disclaimers they put up.  Photo by Jay Shergill, all rights reserved. []

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