Jul
13
2009
2

A new prescription for pain

A new prescription for pain

Let's hear it for workers' compensation reform!

Researchers at the Keele University in England recently discovered that people report less pain when swearing. (Via Slashdot) And…cue the workers’ compensation jokes:

    1. Depositions:
      • Q: Mr. Smith, what else helps alleviate your pain?
      • A: [DELETED]
      • Q: Counsel, maybe we should go off the record for a moment…
    2. Court reporters:
      • “I need to get the spellings for a few words…”
    3. Interpreters:
      • “Uh, could you translate that again?”
    4. Trials:
      • Judge: Madam reporter, would you please read that back…
    5. Appeals:
      • WHEREFORE the above and foregoing, Defendants respectfully pray that this Board grant reconsideration and find Applicant refused reasonable prescribed medical treatment and should therefore be denied temporary disability benefits.
    6. Legal research:
      • “$ This search is outside your research plan.”
    7. Medical treatment:
      • “Actually, a telephone conference with my doctor should be sufficient.”
      • “Where do I look this up under the ACOEM guidelines?”
      • “Just how the crap am I supposed to write the damn utilization review appeal for this one???”
      • “I’m sorry, doctor, I must have read this prescription wrong…”
      • “Why is this doctor prescribing a speech therapist for a back injury?”
      • “By the way, your nurse case manager is Andrew Dice Clay.”
    8. “Although my level of disability was lowered after SB 899, I sure find that talking about it helps.”
    9. “In other news, researchers in Nevada have found that gambling, hookers, and dry weather also reduce pain.”

      I’m not really a workers’ compensation attorney, I’m really just a failed comic.

      (Photo courtesy of Mike Licht)

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