Okay, I’ve got good news and bad news.
Bad news: If you followed any of my suggestions from the past few days, you might need some pointers on what to do now.1
- Give up smoking and drugs.
- You’ll need a new will and gym membership.
- You kept receipts, right?
- You’ll probably need to go back to renting an apartment.
- Work on your resume. There’s no way your boss is taking you back.
- Get a good lawyer to deal with the DUI, solicitation, and federal wildlife protection charges.
- Face facts, you’re probably uninsurable now.
- Two words: credit counseling.
- Consider switching to a religion that offers absolution or papal indulgences.
- STD tests for everyone!
Something most of those CERN / LHC lawsuits forgot to mention is that even though the Large Hadron Collider was fired up yesterday, it won’t warm up to smash things together for a few weeks. So, we’re not totally out of the woods yet…
(Too bleak for a Thursday?)